A Lot of Selfishness

Life around this house has been crazy lately.  Not because I'm happily (well, mostly) home with kiddos all day 7 days a week, or that I have a million spring clean projects to do, or that I've felt icky because of the pollen.  Oh and then there's Chloe's whole fall off the bike, end up in an AirCast incident.  The reason real is that my mother in law had a heart attack over two weeks ago.  And honestly, in the beginning I was an ugly daughter in law who hates to admit her selfishness!

Let me back up to 3 years ago.  "MIL" we'll call her, had a heart problem which required minor surgery and lots of appointments.  Since "DIL" (dad in law) was not in the state (another story for another day), I had to take her to several appointments and the ER which was more than inconvenient with 2 kiddos.  It was serious, yes.  Did she almost die? Well, not really but depending on who you talk to, she did.

Then there was the fact that when my mother had major kidney problems requiring 2 major surgeries and a removal of one kidney and the possibility of cancer, no one seemed to have much sympathy for how I felt. Yes, poor me.  See my selfishness???

So, when we got the call late on a Saturday night that she (MIL) was again in the hospital.  I thought ok, we will just wait and see how bad it really is.  So, we waited while the tests were run and life went on for 2 days.

That Monday we visited, which made me irritated since it was over an hour away and we wouldn't be home till really late.  And, we had to take the grandparents who are over 80 and can't drive such distance.  Upon arrival I was able to speak directly with the nurse who informed me just how serious her heart condition was.  I was speechless. She told me that her heart was at 20% function, she had in fact suffered a major heart attack and they weren't sure why. Her heart rate was through the roof and unstable.  More tests needed to be performed.

All I can say is God was convicting my heart as I had been so selfish and only thought of the inconveniences this had put on MY life.  Very embarrassing to admit.  God was calling me to sacrifice whatever was before me in order to help in whatever he had planned for my  MIL.  Not to mention she was the one lying in the bed and my DIL had been sleeping on a small pull out chair for 7 days and he's not the smallest man on the planet!

God has softened my heart more than he could ever before. As we visited this weekend after her stint surgery, I wept as my dear Chloe cried for her grandmother.  Seeing her sweet tenderness allowed me to see God through my daughter.  It reminded me of the unconditional love that God has for all of us and the compassion that I need to show as well.  I was convicted of how much I do for others, but tend to forget my extended family's needs.

We're praying that she will recover quickly as there are still many unknowns.  She may need more surgery, she may need rehabilitation.  We just don't know.  What I do know is that God is in control and I have peace in that!